前日前々日と比較的落ち着いていた天気。曇ってたけど。。夜になってやっぱりというか、、、再び暴風吹き荒れる、、、。も。。夜が明けてしばらくすると雲がはれ、なんという好天。ただ大気の安定感はないんだけども。。好天はもったいないということで本年の走り納めおば。。
マラソン終わって特段目的もない日々なのだが。。ちょいと試しにランニングコースの写真を撮ってみたりしている。
これ。
ゆくゆくはもうちょいと工夫を凝らしてみたく思っております。
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Not so simple,,,
When a person got to know of a certain organisation working in both developing and developed countries for a certain specific area, such as, agricultural development, and understood that the organisation is trustworthy, it is quite natural a feeling that more money should be given to the organisation especially when he saw a situation in which one of their projects has been suffering from insufficient funding to implement their "credible enough" interventions at site.
In such a case, in the observer's belief, the more money provided to the organisation, the more positive changes in people's lives can be brought about.
There are plenty of examples like this all over the world.
In the arena of international development cooperation, people are most likely to come to think about "who will provide the fund?", then, they talk about advocacy, evaluation to prove trustworthiness, accountability, transparency, and so on and on,,,
While someone knows that the organisation is trustworthy, potential funders in most of the cases don't.
On the other hand, it is also likey that people will agree that doing nothing knowing that somebody's life is being threatened is evil, and, some of them may agree to provide their money on trial and error basis without demanding complete evidences of trustworthiness which are normally very costly.
(A critical assumption about sense of just or moral obligation has already appeared,,, but, still continue...)
But, for the case of public funds, funding on trial and error basis is very unlikely,,,
In addition, public funding needs almost always to consider fair share between individual beneficiaries spreading all over the issues to be addressed.
(Another issue about sense of justice or fairness,,,)
We have been discussing this for a long time already,,,
Some innovative actions need to be taken, actually. But,,,
(One of my suggestions may be to set up a system in which number of funders and/or amount of fund received is counted as dependent variable to trustworthiness of an organisation,,, but,, it seems to require other sophisticated supporting functions, such as, certifier or evaluator regarding actual performance,,, instruments to overcome the issue of discretionary budget allocation,,,)
Anyway, what I'd like to problematise here is not anything about aid system, but, practices being performed in international development cooperation both in developed and developing countries.
More specifically, I'm interested in how people are talking.
I have an impression that people working for international development cooperation talk more than those working for other fields.
Act of talk is important because it relates to our motivations towards maintenance of coherent identity; and it can generate power to define relationships with others.
It has already been known that as long as we assume the system of resource transfer as current international development, nobody can escape from talking about both aid givers and aid recipients.
4. and 8. can be thought of some situations in which both sides are exchanging understanding on the other.
6. will be some internal discussions in recipient organisation for example for developing strategies on how to approach different aid givers.
1. will be internal discussions held on the aid givers' side.
My focus will be directed to 1. and 6. because in these cases people talk about others to those who may frequently be more unfamiliar with the subject matter.
In other words, in the case of 1., they are supposed to represent aid recipients and the ways of representation tend to be of their discretion. They will be able to make judgement on what should be communicated or not.
Further more critically, such judgement depends upon how they constitute their own identities between representatives of aid recipients and aid givers.
Such identities can neither be stable witin respective individuals nor universal among them.
Each and every individual is knowledgeable enough to improvise on case by case basis how to talk in order to maintain positive identity for herself and also for those to whom she is talking.
The observer shown in the example above says that what is lacking is just money, but, I do not think that potential funders or intermediaries to encourage funding to "credible enough" projects would accept what the observer says.
This is firstly because the observer's words do not show sufficient considerateness to potential funders or those who are in the position of gate-keepers of any kind of money.
Differently put, the observer's words may threat identities of potential funders or gatekeepers who must have known that there are lots of examples in which just increased funds can bring about even more positive changes.
Even if the observer's words aim at provoking argument to innovate funding mechanisms of aid, ambiguity concerning representation needs to be clarified, that is, whom and what the observer tries to represent, the organisation, the organisation's opinion that all it needs is money, or, that money is just one of the problems for it???
By its nature, representation necessarily involves some abstraction from lived experiences or reality of those who are to be represented.
Talks involving abstraction or something not present in front of those who are talking require very careful treatments because such talks usually assume common level of understanding about such abstraction.
Simply put, such talks are likely to be held between those who they think have already known about it.
In the real world of international development cooperation, however, it is very unlikey that those who have been involved share some universal levels of abstraction because there exist too many different roles borne by them in the so-called aid chain.
But, they talk about what is not present in front of them.
Why is it possible?
This is because manipulating abstraction does not cause any serious problem to those who are talking.
Put it differently, it is more important for them to be able to talk each other than sticking to what they think real as long as their identities are not threatened.
More importantly, we talk for ourselves.
Even when representing others' voice, the man who is talking is talking for himself.
Yes, all these things are minute things, thus, rarely discussed in the international development cooperation.
However, we should know that all these minute things are bearing structures or maintaining system of current aid since structures and systems do not emerge from thin air.
Being satisfied with discussing "big" issues without reflecting on day-to-day practices is definitely arrogant and something to be avoided if we dream about "innovation" of aid system.
In such a case, in the observer's belief, the more money provided to the organisation, the more positive changes in people's lives can be brought about.
There are plenty of examples like this all over the world.
In the arena of international development cooperation, people are most likely to come to think about "who will provide the fund?", then, they talk about advocacy, evaluation to prove trustworthiness, accountability, transparency, and so on and on,,,
While someone knows that the organisation is trustworthy, potential funders in most of the cases don't.
On the other hand, it is also likey that people will agree that doing nothing knowing that somebody's life is being threatened is evil, and, some of them may agree to provide their money on trial and error basis without demanding complete evidences of trustworthiness which are normally very costly.
(A critical assumption about sense of just or moral obligation has already appeared,,, but, still continue...)
But, for the case of public funds, funding on trial and error basis is very unlikely,,,
In addition, public funding needs almost always to consider fair share between individual beneficiaries spreading all over the issues to be addressed.
(Another issue about sense of justice or fairness,,,)
We have been discussing this for a long time already,,,
Some innovative actions need to be taken, actually. But,,,
(One of my suggestions may be to set up a system in which number of funders and/or amount of fund received is counted as dependent variable to trustworthiness of an organisation,,, but,, it seems to require other sophisticated supporting functions, such as, certifier or evaluator regarding actual performance,,, instruments to overcome the issue of discretionary budget allocation,,,)
Anyway, what I'd like to problematise here is not anything about aid system, but, practices being performed in international development cooperation both in developed and developing countries.
More specifically, I'm interested in how people are talking.
I have an impression that people working for international development cooperation talk more than those working for other fields.
Act of talk is important because it relates to our motivations towards maintenance of coherent identity; and it can generate power to define relationships with others.
It has already been known that as long as we assume the system of resource transfer as current international development, nobody can escape from talking about both aid givers and aid recipients.
- People on the side of aid giver talk about aid recipients to other aid givers.
- They also talk about aid givers to other aid givers.
- They also talk about aid givers to aid recipients.
- They also talk about aid recipients to aid recipients.
- People on the side of aid receiver talk about aid recipients to aid givers.
- They also talk about aid givers to other aid recipients.
- They also talk about aid recipient to other aid recipients.
- They also talk about aid givers to aid givers.
4. and 8. can be thought of some situations in which both sides are exchanging understanding on the other.
6. will be some internal discussions in recipient organisation for example for developing strategies on how to approach different aid givers.
1. will be internal discussions held on the aid givers' side.
My focus will be directed to 1. and 6. because in these cases people talk about others to those who may frequently be more unfamiliar with the subject matter.
In other words, in the case of 1., they are supposed to represent aid recipients and the ways of representation tend to be of their discretion. They will be able to make judgement on what should be communicated or not.
Further more critically, such judgement depends upon how they constitute their own identities between representatives of aid recipients and aid givers.
Such identities can neither be stable witin respective individuals nor universal among them.
Each and every individual is knowledgeable enough to improvise on case by case basis how to talk in order to maintain positive identity for herself and also for those to whom she is talking.
The observer shown in the example above says that what is lacking is just money, but, I do not think that potential funders or intermediaries to encourage funding to "credible enough" projects would accept what the observer says.
This is firstly because the observer's words do not show sufficient considerateness to potential funders or those who are in the position of gate-keepers of any kind of money.
Differently put, the observer's words may threat identities of potential funders or gatekeepers who must have known that there are lots of examples in which just increased funds can bring about even more positive changes.
Even if the observer's words aim at provoking argument to innovate funding mechanisms of aid, ambiguity concerning representation needs to be clarified, that is, whom and what the observer tries to represent, the organisation, the organisation's opinion that all it needs is money, or, that money is just one of the problems for it???
By its nature, representation necessarily involves some abstraction from lived experiences or reality of those who are to be represented.
Talks involving abstraction or something not present in front of those who are talking require very careful treatments because such talks usually assume common level of understanding about such abstraction.
Simply put, such talks are likely to be held between those who they think have already known about it.
In the real world of international development cooperation, however, it is very unlikey that those who have been involved share some universal levels of abstraction because there exist too many different roles borne by them in the so-called aid chain.
But, they talk about what is not present in front of them.
Why is it possible?
This is because manipulating abstraction does not cause any serious problem to those who are talking.
Put it differently, it is more important for them to be able to talk each other than sticking to what they think real as long as their identities are not threatened.
More importantly, we talk for ourselves.
Even when representing others' voice, the man who is talking is talking for himself.
Yes, all these things are minute things, thus, rarely discussed in the international development cooperation.
However, we should know that all these minute things are bearing structures or maintaining system of current aid since structures and systems do not emerge from thin air.
Being satisfied with discussing "big" issues without reflecting on day-to-day practices is definitely arrogant and something to be avoided if we dream about "innovation" of aid system.
Fava
ポルトガル語でいかり豆のこと。
日本（というより実家か。。）でよく食べていたいかり豆。
こちらのスーパーで袋詰めで売られているものは、殻がついていない。
殻を外す手間がかからないので、より食べやすいだろう♪とウキウキ。帰宅後もすぐに開封し、ソッコー口にしてみたのだが、、、。
Qualityが、、、×
殻がないことが影響しているのかどうかは不明であるが、、
カリっとしていない。。。湿ってる？？
だけならまだましだが。。。
結構な数、石の如く硬いものもあり、、、歯割れるかと思ったよ。。。
Comprei fava, mas estive não contente,,, Foram duras muito,, duríssimas!!!
日本（というより実家か。。）でよく食べていたいかり豆。
こちらのスーパーで袋詰めで売られているものは、殻がついていない。
殻を外す手間がかからないので、より食べやすいだろう♪とウキウキ。帰宅後もすぐに開封し、ソッコー口にしてみたのだが、、、。
Qualityが、、、×
殻がないことが影響しているのかどうかは不明であるが、、
カリっとしていない。。。湿ってる？？
だけならまだましだが。。。
結構な数、石の如く硬いものもあり、、、歯割れるかと思ったよ。。。
Comprei fava, mas estive não contente,,, Foram duras muito,, duríssimas!!!
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Being integrated,,,??
While I was taking a walk, someone called me from her window at 2nd floor.
As I approached, I understood that she wanted me to throw a pack of garbage,,,
Waited just below her window for a minute expecting that she would throw her garbage down, and thinking about how I could properly catch it,,,
When she showed herself at the window again with a plastic bag filled with garbage, I felt relieved because she put it down by using a string which bound to the plastic bag.
Fortunate enough, the contents was only empty paper containers of milk, so I did not have to worry about the garbage's messing up my hands at all.
As I was completing my mission, I asked myself if this showed that I was being integrated to the community???
As I approached, I understood that she wanted me to throw a pack of garbage,,,
Waited just below her window for a minute expecting that she would throw her garbage down, and thinking about how I could properly catch it,,,
When she showed herself at the window again with a plastic bag filled with garbage, I felt relieved because she put it down by using a string which bound to the plastic bag.
Fortunate enough, the contents was only empty paper containers of milk, so I did not have to worry about the garbage's messing up my hands at all.
As I was completing my mission, I asked myself if this showed that I was being integrated to the community???
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Está nevoento
Ontem e hoje estão nevoentos.
A temperatura parece descer de repente.
Águas nos ares estão a evaporar muito.
A temperatura parece descer de repente.
Águas nos ares estão a evaporar muito.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Eu sou japonês
I was astonished after reading "Report on the Jewish Culture: A Private Account (Shikaban: Yudaya-jin Bunka-ron)" by Prof. T. Uchida, especially by quotations from Emmanuel Levinas.
I cannot believe immediately that majority of people will one day become able to live respective lives following what he (they?) describes as the sense of responsibility for what we have not done yet (especially something evil). I cannot even believe that quite a few people who are recognised as Jews are in this real world practising such a sense of responsibility while I certainly have to admit that some of them are actually living such lives.
According to the text, the way of so-called Jewish people of constituting self, others, and god is idiosyncratic. I should agree with that because admitting responsibilities for what s/he has not done does not seem to reduce her/his anxiety. Rather, it seems to increase anxiety.
For various reasons most of which are originated in the facts that we cannot but live with others, we tend to behave so as to reduce anxieties, and such behaviour itself can be referred to as identity.
This is because anxieties are what makes us uncertain about what we believe we are, thus, our respective identities should be found in our ways of maintaining consistency of what we believe we are in front of various anxieties.
Normally, I think, in reducing anxieties, or in trying to maintain consistency in what we believe we are, we try to justify ourselves. In this vein, I wonder how painful it is to maintain that I am responsible for something wrong which I have not done yet.
Nonetheless, what has astonished me most is not such idiosyncracy, but, what such idiosyncratic way of constituting selves seems to be implying, that is, a kind of endless battle with the problem of relationships with others.
This can be explained by both logically and episodically.
Had it not been for such an endless battle, no body would have found it necessary to invent and take such a painful way of maintaining what we believe we are.
We live with others even if we do not like to.
We can never have any unified (or "acceptablly" varied?) qualities.
Our interactions can purposefully be conducted, but, frequently ended up with unintended results.
We don't know (at least with ordinary people's cognitive abilities) who started this relationships with others.
etc....
Referring to the above, some may conclude that we cannot manage our relationships with others in any predictable way, but others cannot be irresponsible due to the fact that unintended results have sometimes turned out to be very fatal errors.
As a result, some (obviously not all) of us have been seeking for better ways of managing relationships with others, which cannot escape from the issue of managing self.
My experiences also tell me that managing relationships with others is really tough, or, that's not something manageable,,, but, with regard to maintenance of consistent identity, if we keep on maintaining consistency in what we believe we are by justifying that we are responsible for anything for any reason, the degree of threats which continuously give us anxieties can significantly be reduced because we are very likely to succeed in "justifying ourselves" by logically explaining causes and results about events in question, thus, only have to be suffering from the understanding that anxieties cannot completely be eliminated.
If I were put in a situation where I am threatened to be killed without any reasonable explanation from the executers????
I think I will feel that I do not want to die,,,but,,,
I can imagine that I will try to explain to myself as reasonably as possible rather than complaining about someone or something else,,, maybe,,,
To conclude,,,
But, I do not still understand why the Jewish people had to be killed in genocide although I should admit that their origin or history might have some influences on the others who tried to create the object for their own projection or simply just discrimination, or whatever reasons.
I cannot believe immediately that majority of people will one day become able to live respective lives following what he (they?) describes as the sense of responsibility for what we have not done yet (especially something evil). I cannot even believe that quite a few people who are recognised as Jews are in this real world practising such a sense of responsibility while I certainly have to admit that some of them are actually living such lives.
According to the text, the way of so-called Jewish people of constituting self, others, and god is idiosyncratic. I should agree with that because admitting responsibilities for what s/he has not done does not seem to reduce her/his anxiety. Rather, it seems to increase anxiety.
For various reasons most of which are originated in the facts that we cannot but live with others, we tend to behave so as to reduce anxieties, and such behaviour itself can be referred to as identity.
This is because anxieties are what makes us uncertain about what we believe we are, thus, our respective identities should be found in our ways of maintaining consistency of what we believe we are in front of various anxieties.
Normally, I think, in reducing anxieties, or in trying to maintain consistency in what we believe we are, we try to justify ourselves. In this vein, I wonder how painful it is to maintain that I am responsible for something wrong which I have not done yet.
Nonetheless, what has astonished me most is not such idiosyncracy, but, what such idiosyncratic way of constituting selves seems to be implying, that is, a kind of endless battle with the problem of relationships with others.
This can be explained by both logically and episodically.
Had it not been for such an endless battle, no body would have found it necessary to invent and take such a painful way of maintaining what we believe we are.
We live with others even if we do not like to.
We can never have any unified (or "acceptablly" varied?) qualities.
Our interactions can purposefully be conducted, but, frequently ended up with unintended results.
We don't know (at least with ordinary people's cognitive abilities) who started this relationships with others.
etc....
Referring to the above, some may conclude that we cannot manage our relationships with others in any predictable way, but others cannot be irresponsible due to the fact that unintended results have sometimes turned out to be very fatal errors.
As a result, some (obviously not all) of us have been seeking for better ways of managing relationships with others, which cannot escape from the issue of managing self.
My experiences also tell me that managing relationships with others is really tough, or, that's not something manageable,,, but, with regard to maintenance of consistent identity, if we keep on maintaining consistency in what we believe we are by justifying that we are responsible for anything for any reason, the degree of threats which continuously give us anxieties can significantly be reduced because we are very likely to succeed in "justifying ourselves" by logically explaining causes and results about events in question, thus, only have to be suffering from the understanding that anxieties cannot completely be eliminated.
If I were put in a situation where I am threatened to be killed without any reasonable explanation from the executers????
I think I will feel that I do not want to die,,,but,,,
I can imagine that I will try to explain to myself as reasonably as possible rather than complaining about someone or something else,,, maybe,,,
To conclude,,,
But, I do not still understand why the Jewish people had to be killed in genocide although I should admit that their origin or history might have some influences on the others who tried to create the object for their own projection or simply just discrimination, or whatever reasons.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
Maratona de Lisboa
ポルトガル入りした今年２月からそれほど時を経ずして目標としていたリスボンマラソン２０１０。
なのでちょっと長めのレポート。。
ドラマは当日夜明け前より。。
リスボン近辺は１２月は雨が多いらしい。
なんで雨の多い時期にリスボンマラソンは行われるのだ？と疑問に思いつつ。。
噂にたがわずよく雨は降っていた。
が。前々日の金曜日は久々の晴れ。
土曜もちょいちょい降りはしたが大したことなく。。
まあ日曜（大会当日）も天気は大丈夫でないの？と都合よく考えていたのだが。。
当日は９時スタートだったので、いろいろ逆算して４時半起床としていた。
計画通り早めに床に就いて、まあまあスムーズに眠りにも落ちたのだが。
なんか途中で目が覚めた。
なんでや？
と思うまでもなく。。。
夢うつつで窓外のブラインドが風でガタガタ音立ててるのとか、、
さらに悪いことには、窓に雨が打ちつけている音とか、、、
なんとなく聞こえてしまってたのよね。。。
するってぇと当然「え～～。。雨ぇ～～。。。」と。。
やっぱイヤよね？雨ん中マラソンって。。しかも雨の中スタート地点まで行かなあかんし。。。
そんないやぁ～な音どもに起こされたのが午前１時過ぎ。
ということはまだまだ家を出る６時半とかには嵐も過ぎ去っている可能性もあろう。
となんとか再度眠りについたのだが。。
起床予定の４時半には。。
まだ外は暴風雨。
コメ炊いて身支度して。。
おにぎりにぎって、たまご焼きと食べて。。。
も。まだ暴風雨。。
真面目に。。
やめちゃおうかな？？って思いました。ちらっと。。
しかし、、なんで行こうと思ったんだろか？？
すでに走るの前提でおにぎり４つも食っちまってたからか？？
まああとはリスボンの方はそんなに降ってない可能性もある、とか考えたからかな。。
よぅわからん。。
とりあえず覚悟を決めて、予定の持ち物に入っていなかった傘を、さすこと前提で手にし、
いざ外へ出てみると。。。
風は吹きまくってはいたけど、雨は降ってなかった♪
マゴマゴしていて電車の時間（休日の早い時間は３０分に１本）がきわどくなっていたので、
UPがてら駅まで走る。
ま。しかしラッキーだったわな。。結局。
レース
ここまでポルトガルではハーフマラソンと１０ｋｍレースに参加したけど。
スタート前の緊張感のなさは今回が抜きん出ていた。
ともかく３０分前、、２０分前、、、なんのアナウンスもなし。
人々（参加者たち）もなぁんだかばらんばらんと、、各自アップみたいな感じ。。
まあそもそも参加者数があまり多くなさそうで。。（そのわけはレース後明らかになるのだが。。。）
予定の９時に一発号砲。
でもミスファイヤーだったみたいで。。
約２分後に再度、今度は本当の号砲鳴る。
スタート地点は緊張感なかったけど、自分自身は「出だしが肝心」とわりとテンション上げていたので、
なかなかうまく流れには乗れたと思ふ。
１０ｋｍがだいたい４８分。
２０ｋｍがだいたい１時間３７分。
ね。
いい感じでしょ？（イーブンペースという意味で。）
でもこれでも結構大変だったのよ。。
坂の街リスボン。。。
上り下りがなかなか厳しく。。
かつ。。
暴風雨のとおり、幸いレース中雨はホントに短時間パラパラ降りかかる程度だったんだけど。。風が。。。
向かい風+上り坂とか、、、。さいあく。。。
折り返し前は向かい風。ということは折り返し後は追い風！？と思って実際折り返してみると風向変化のせいかそうでもない。。とか。。
勿論追い風+下り坂！とかもあったしね。。
概ね天気の神様、僕に対してもフェアであったのでは？と思います。
問題は。。
レース終盤の上り坂です。。。
勿論風はどっからか吹いてはいましたが、、３５～６ｋｍ走ってさ、、、その後ほぼゴールまで上り坂って。。。
８割ぐらいのランナーは泣くね。。
しかもその上り。。ほぼ直線なもんで、、、遥か彼方の先まで”上り”が見えちゃうのよ。。。
実際歩きまくってたもの、、ランナー。
僕も泣きたかったよ。。。
そんぐらい”魂の強さ”を試されるコースなのだ！！！リスボンマラソン！
とかいいつつ、、。僕の場合、たまたま走り方が上りの方がスピードロスが少なく済む、ってだけなんだけどね。。
でも。それでも、いつ歩き始めてもおかしくはなかった。。
（何度頭の中で「心が折れる・・・」というフレーズが浮かんだことか。。。）
そんぐらい、”気持的に”きついコースであったと思ふ。
最大の目標であった３時間半切りは達成できなかったものの、
走り終わっての充実感は、あの延々上り坂を歩かずに走りきったと。。。
しょーもないことかもしれないけども、そこから来るのではないか？と思っています。
（「ざまぁみやがれ。おいらの心は折れなかったぜ！」みたいな。。体はボロボロだったけど。。）
ほんとに３５ｋｍ到達する前に３時間半のペースメーカーさんに追い抜かれた時は、
一応少しついていこうと努力してみたものの、、やっぱりムリで、、
「あ、あかん。。こんな調子じゃそのうち４時間のペースメーカーにも抜かれてまう。。」
とかなり気持ちが萎えそうになったんだけど、
がんばって追いかけよう！と思い続けたおかげか、その後めちゃくちゃ引き離されはしなかったし。。
まああとタイムを上げるためには課題はいろいろ思いつくのだけど。。
（腹筋背筋尻から太ももにかけてのおっきな筋肉の筋力不足とか。。）
フルマラソンはとりあえず一区切りということで。。。
いや。。また準備して、、あのコース走るって、、、気が全く起こらん。。
ふつー４２ｋｍ走って、目標まであと１分ちょいとかやと、「ううぅ。もうちっとがんばっとれば。。」
とか思うかもしれんけど。。全く思いませんもの。。
中学以来長距離では（だけじゃないか。。）なかなか我慢のきかない男ですが、それにしちゃあ搾り出した方だと思ふ。。
全くの余談ですが、、
道中、そしてゴール後に配られていた和菓子に似たお菓子（アプリコット系の甘酸っぱい味のするきんつばみたいなの）は何と言うんだろう？？
なのでちょっと長めのレポート。。
ドラマは当日夜明け前より。。
リスボン近辺は１２月は雨が多いらしい。
なんで雨の多い時期にリスボンマラソンは行われるのだ？と疑問に思いつつ。。
噂にたがわずよく雨は降っていた。
が。前々日の金曜日は久々の晴れ。
土曜もちょいちょい降りはしたが大したことなく。。
まあ日曜（大会当日）も天気は大丈夫でないの？と都合よく考えていたのだが。。
当日は９時スタートだったので、いろいろ逆算して４時半起床としていた。
計画通り早めに床に就いて、まあまあスムーズに眠りにも落ちたのだが。
なんか途中で目が覚めた。
なんでや？
と思うまでもなく。。。
夢うつつで窓外のブラインドが風でガタガタ音立ててるのとか、、
さらに悪いことには、窓に雨が打ちつけている音とか、、、
なんとなく聞こえてしまってたのよね。。。
するってぇと当然「え～～。。雨ぇ～～。。。」と。。
やっぱイヤよね？雨ん中マラソンって。。しかも雨の中スタート地点まで行かなあかんし。。。
そんないやぁ～な音どもに起こされたのが午前１時過ぎ。
ということはまだまだ家を出る６時半とかには嵐も過ぎ去っている可能性もあろう。
となんとか再度眠りについたのだが。。
起床予定の４時半には。。
まだ外は暴風雨。
コメ炊いて身支度して。。
おにぎりにぎって、たまご焼きと食べて。。。
も。まだ暴風雨。。
真面目に。。
やめちゃおうかな？？って思いました。ちらっと。。
しかし、、なんで行こうと思ったんだろか？？
すでに走るの前提でおにぎり４つも食っちまってたからか？？
まああとはリスボンの方はそんなに降ってない可能性もある、とか考えたからかな。。
よぅわからん。。
とりあえず覚悟を決めて、予定の持ち物に入っていなかった傘を、さすこと前提で手にし、
いざ外へ出てみると。。。
風は吹きまくってはいたけど、雨は降ってなかった♪
マゴマゴしていて電車の時間（休日の早い時間は３０分に１本）がきわどくなっていたので、
UPがてら駅まで走る。
ま。しかしラッキーだったわな。。結局。
レース
ここまでポルトガルではハーフマラソンと１０ｋｍレースに参加したけど。
スタート前の緊張感のなさは今回が抜きん出ていた。
ともかく３０分前、、２０分前、、、なんのアナウンスもなし。
人々（参加者たち）もなぁんだかばらんばらんと、、各自アップみたいな感じ。。
まあそもそも参加者数があまり多くなさそうで。。（そのわけはレース後明らかになるのだが。。。）
予定の９時に一発号砲。
でもミスファイヤーだったみたいで。。
約２分後に再度、今度は本当の号砲鳴る。
スタート地点は緊張感なかったけど、自分自身は「出だしが肝心」とわりとテンション上げていたので、
なかなかうまく流れには乗れたと思ふ。
１０ｋｍがだいたい４８分。
２０ｋｍがだいたい１時間３７分。
ね。
いい感じでしょ？（イーブンペースという意味で。）
でもこれでも結構大変だったのよ。。
坂の街リスボン。。。
上り下りがなかなか厳しく。。
かつ。。
暴風雨のとおり、幸いレース中雨はホントに短時間パラパラ降りかかる程度だったんだけど。。風が。。。
向かい風+上り坂とか、、、。さいあく。。。
折り返し前は向かい風。ということは折り返し後は追い風！？と思って実際折り返してみると風向変化のせいかそうでもない。。とか。。
勿論追い風+下り坂！とかもあったしね。。
概ね天気の神様、僕に対してもフェアであったのでは？と思います。
問題は。。
レース終盤の上り坂です。。。
勿論風はどっからか吹いてはいましたが、、３５～６ｋｍ走ってさ、、、その後ほぼゴールまで上り坂って。。。
８割ぐらいのランナーは泣くね。。
しかもその上り。。ほぼ直線なもんで、、、遥か彼方の先まで”上り”が見えちゃうのよ。。。
実際歩きまくってたもの、、ランナー。
僕も泣きたかったよ。。。
そんぐらい”魂の強さ”を試されるコースなのだ！！！リスボンマラソン！
とかいいつつ、、。僕の場合、たまたま走り方が上りの方がスピードロスが少なく済む、ってだけなんだけどね。。
でも。それでも、いつ歩き始めてもおかしくはなかった。。
（何度頭の中で「心が折れる・・・」というフレーズが浮かんだことか。。。）
そんぐらい、”気持的に”きついコースであったと思ふ。
最大の目標であった３時間半切りは達成できなかったものの、
走り終わっての充実感は、あの延々上り坂を歩かずに走りきったと。。。
しょーもないことかもしれないけども、そこから来るのではないか？と思っています。
（「ざまぁみやがれ。おいらの心は折れなかったぜ！」みたいな。。体はボロボロだったけど。。）
ほんとに３５ｋｍ到達する前に３時間半のペースメーカーさんに追い抜かれた時は、
一応少しついていこうと努力してみたものの、、やっぱりムリで、、
「あ、あかん。。こんな調子じゃそのうち４時間のペースメーカーにも抜かれてまう。。」
とかなり気持ちが萎えそうになったんだけど、
がんばって追いかけよう！と思い続けたおかげか、その後めちゃくちゃ引き離されはしなかったし。。
まああとタイムを上げるためには課題はいろいろ思いつくのだけど。。
（腹筋背筋尻から太ももにかけてのおっきな筋肉の筋力不足とか。。）
フルマラソンはとりあえず一区切りということで。。。
いや。。また準備して、、あのコース走るって、、、気が全く起こらん。。
ふつー４２ｋｍ走って、目標まであと１分ちょいとかやと、「ううぅ。もうちっとがんばっとれば。。」
とか思うかもしれんけど。。全く思いませんもの。。
中学以来長距離では（だけじゃないか。。）なかなか我慢のきかない男ですが、それにしちゃあ搾り出した方だと思ふ。。
全くの余談ですが、、
道中、そしてゴール後に配られていた和菓子に似たお菓子（アプリコット系の甘酸っぱい味のするきんつばみたいなの）は何と言うんだろう？？
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